Comparing myself to others.
Comparing my life to that of others.
Thinking “I am not where I should be in life”, “I won't make it”, “I'm not as good”, “I'm not as worthy”, “I'll never have it".
And underlying that the deeply rooted belief that I will stay unsatisfied.
And that coupled with a poor sense of gratitude and appreciation for what/who I have in my life already, and the feeling of disempowerment that says “I am not able to change, never have what I want, never feeling that it is okay to just be me”.
It really hurts.
Yet, there's also the sense of a knowing that when I am totally me, just myself as I am aligned, and how I want to be just out of myself, I will be happy.
I want to share one thought that eases this up for me, and relaxes the tension of comparison and the restlessness of havibg to get somewhere, be someone.
This comparison to others, especially when it comes to creating something, comparing to what others have created already, for example when I want to create a business or something that generates money flow, actually something that gives rise to a sense of purpose and meaning in what I do in life.
The tension that is often rooted in or emphasized by societal expectations of how I should live life.
What I feel then, when I look at others who do similar things like I feel I want to do, and they do them successfully already, and they followed their… whatever it is… their passion, their calling, and they developed the self-discipline of consistently showing up and being ‘out there' and following their heart, creating something - not just thinking about it, but doing it - I feel this kind of comparison welling up.
It tears me apart inside. It's really hurting.
One thought that eases that up is this
“I don't have to get where others are, who are ‘successful' ".
I don't have to walk all the same way to where they are with what they have. This seems so far away.
However, knowing that somehow, somewhere, even though I might not see it yet, there is a way of living, a way of being, that is exactly right for me.
It does not at all look like anyone else's. It is not in anyone else. There are no direct models to be found out there. I don't have to copy anyone. I can’t even copy anyone, because I have to find it inside myself.
It's an inside-job.
I have to walk my own path and find my own way. I'm already on it. I cannot miss.
It's never lacking. It is already there. I was born with it, because IT is me.
I just need to become quiet and listen to the inside, and follow the reasons for me being, that call out to me in every moment. Step by step.
It's something I’ve got to learn to see again.
Seeing the obvious. The simplicity of my ever-present being. And live into it, step by step, moment to moment.
I don't need to be anyone else. I just need to be who I already am, and drop all other distracting thoughts and collective conditionings. Because only when I fall into the immediateness of my own being will I BE joy.